


Lalondes Playing FFXIV

by EdamamiTomoe



Category: Final Fantasy XIV, Homestuck
Genre: Not really sure what to tag this, the lalondes play ffxiv?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-10-25 03:52:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17717549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdamamiTomoe/pseuds/EdamamiTomoe
Summary: Rose and Roxy spends some time together playing Final Fantasy XIV.





	Lalondes Playing FFXIV

TG: rooooose  
TT: Yes?  
TG: roooooooooooose  
TT: What is it?  
TG: y didnt you tell me there’d be tiny potato wizards!!  
TT: Oh, have you reached the Thaumaturge’s Guild in Ul’dah?  
TG: YES!!  
TG: and omg the taumgturgs r so cute…  
TG: *thaumaturge  
TG: theyre tinyass potato wizards!!  
TT: I was under the impression that you had a preference for wizards of a more classical disposition, bedazzled in long beards and starry robes.  
TG: i mean i do i love them  
TG: my buddies back at the healer guild r great  
TG: but omg tiny potato wizrds…  
TG: *wizards  
TG: theyre so cute… i want one….  
TT: You aren’t even halfway through A Realm Reborn, you aren’t considering a lalafell alt already, are you?  
TG: maybe….  
TT: Would it satiate your craving for tiny legume-shaped wizards if I am to create a new lalafellin thaumaturge alt to accompany your fair miqo’te Vodka Mutini?  
TG: omg yes??  
TG: oh my god pls make a cute tiny potato wizard my catte will love her like 4ever  
TT: Very well, Roxy. The newly thaumaturge Frigglish Gigglish will be arriving in Ul’dah as soon as Zazzerpan the Learned finds respite in his home in the Mist.  
TG: omg frigglish gigglish that is the best name wtf 

And so, Zazzerpan the Learned, the old bearded duskwight, returns to his abode in the Mist, a humble abode unbefitting such a powerful wizard, but suits his needs just well enough. That being said, it certainly does make it difficult to tidy up all the tomes and contraptions he has laying around the house, since-

TG: come oooon rooose hurry uuuup i really wanna join the tungaturgy guild already  
TG: i wanna get to KNOW all these tinyass potatoes!!  
TT: Okay, calm down. I’m working on it.

It seems like it is time for the old astrologian to take his rest in his bed, then. And for Rose to sign out and create a new character.  
She has never made a lalafell before, and is now puzzling over whether she should make a plainsfolk or a dunesfolk. Since she would be starting in Ul’dah, Rose figures a dunesfolk would be fitting, an adventurer from the local area. But then again, if she is to make her truly a foreign adventurer, a plainsfolk might-

TG: doot doot doot doot waiting on my lalawife  
TT: You really are excited about this, aren’t you?  
TG: um duhh i want my waifu alreadyy  
TT: Goodness, you certainly are eager, Roxy. Have you met with the Sultana yet?  
TG: YES and she’s SO CUTE  
TG: number one waifu  
TT: I thought you’d like her if the cowled thaumaturges at the guild strike your fancy.

Looks like she’ll go for dunesfolk. And now, onto the physical traits of said dunesfolk, although Rose is keeping in mind to hurry up the process, so she does not keep her teenage mother waiting for long. Minimum height to satiate Roxy’s potentially fetishistic desires, maximum bust even though that does nothing on a lalafell, hairstyle like… oh dear, this is going to be difficult.  


After much consideration, Rose settles for a humble brown pigtails with golden highlights. Yellow eyes, candid smile, a small brown spot on her lala nose, mischievous eyes. And as for facial tattoos, definitely the two dots upon her cheeks that look like a cartoony blush. And lastly, voice, a high-pitched, but not too squeaky one should work.

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] sent tipsyGnostalgic [TG] the file "ffxiv_02092019_040252_425.png" --  
TT: What do you think?  
TT: Shall I proceed to drop her into the world of Eorzea?  
TG: OMG SHES SO ADORABLE  
TG: AAAAAAA  
TT: I will take that as a yes.

Birthday, patron deity, yaddy yaddy ya, starting class: thaumaturge. First name Frigglish, last name Gigglish. Just have to choose the right server, and she’s in.

TT: Frigglish Gigglish has now entered into the world of Eorzea.  
TT: Please wait warmly while she advances through the opening cutscenes, and be conversed with by a peddler interested in her aspirations as an adventurer.  
TG: omg omg omg i cant wait  
TG: im so excited this is gonna be great  
TG: im just gonna spam the dance emote in front of the guild receptionist  
TT: Don’t forget to turn off ‘display log message’ in the emote menu then.  
TG: oh shit yeah oops i got it

Rose feels bad for anyone else that might be in the Thaumaturge’s Guild at the moment, being subject to the sudden spam of ‘Vodka Mutini dances sprightly’. But no matter, she still has to slog through the opening cutscenes and do the beginning tutorials and whatnot, and also set up the HUD the way she likes it. Nice and clean, with anything less than necessary reduced to 60% size and 75% opacity.  


Once she has all of this finished, it is time for Frigglish Gigglish to hit up Momodi at the Quicksand, and get her story rolling. The new lalafell adventurer will meet up with the eagerly awaiting miqo’te later though, Rose wants to get the aetheryte and the market, as well as every single aetheryte shard in the city, before she meets up with Mutie at the guild.  


Now that she has all of that done now, time to embrace the coming storm.

TG: eeeee so cuuuute  
TT: Shall we roleplay the beginning of their friendship, as fellow thaumaturgical students?  
TG: yes plzzz

Vodka Mutini: “Hey! Hello! Hi!”

TT: You can turn emote messages back on if you want, for the sake of saving our roleplay later.  
TG: oh yes good idea

Vodka Mutini waves at Frigglish Gigglish.  
Frigglish Gigglish: “H-hi? Um, can I help you…?”  
Vodka Mutini: “You are a thaumaturge, right? Um, the thaumaturge brothers are nice, right? I want to become a thaumaturge too but I’m kind of intimidated (mostly by their cowls)...”  
Frigglish Gigglish: “Um… I’m sorry, but I’m actually new here too. I just arrived in Ul’dah for the first time, so I haven’t joined the guild yet…”  
Vodka Mutini: “Oh! Oh I’m so sorry, I just kind of assumed based on the staff you’re carrying.”  
Frigglish Gigglish: “That’s okay! Hehe, I’m kind of nervous too, if I’m going to be honest. I’m going to be joining a guild for the first time!”  
Vodka Mutini: “Oh my gosh, we should totally go together then. We’ll be like friends!”  
Frigglish Gigglish: “By the Twelve, have I made a friend here in Ul’dah already?”  
Vodka Mutini: “Um, yes? Come on!”

TT: I admit, I am very much unused to roleplaying such a cheerful character, especially with so little preparation beforehand. I hope I can get a feel for her character soon.  
TG: i hope i can get a feel for UR character too  
TG: wink wonk  
TT: Roxy, are you really implying that you have an interest in fondling the lalafell you have just met?  
TG: omg dont say it like that i was jking  
TT: Are you truly what they call a ‘lalacon’, Roxy? Is that the kind of youthful maiden you fancy?  
TG: omg rooooose  
TG: oh are all the beginning quests just like  
TG: killing 9 level 1 monsters or something?  
TT: That’s right, the level 1 class quest for each of the Disciple of War and Disciple of Magic classes are always just that, mostly so you can have a chance to level yourself up for the next class quest, especially as the monsters you have to kill for the quest also happen to be the ones you have to kill for your hunting log, thus providing you a palpable boost of experience points right from the start.  
TG: that is a LOT of words but i support it  
TG: come on lets go beat up some horneys  
TG: *hornets

\---

TG: omg  
TG: cocobusi…  
TT: Yes? What about him, Roxy? Do you take a fancy to this nubile young alchemist as well?  
TG: omg rose shut up  
TG: his name  
TG: bussy…  
TT: Oh good lord.  
TG: cocobussy…  
TT: Roxy, sometimes you say things that make me question how in the world I am your genetic daughter.  
TT: Please think before you speak next time.  
TG: omg tho cocobussy is so cute wtf  
TG: lemme adopt this tiny onion  
TT: They are onions now, not potatoes?  
TG: potatonions  
TT: An interesting crossbreeding. Is that your next ectobiological endeavour?  
TG: mayb

\---

TG: oh noooo  
TG: poor bussy got possessed ):  
TT: Please stop calling him that.  
TG: he just wanted to impress his oniichans  
TG: poor baby  
TT: Roxy, how were you taking so long on that duty?  
TG: i didnt realize i was supposed to use sleep on them oops  
TT: Roxy, oh Roxy…  
TG: omg im not used to playing tungaturg!  
TT: I like how every time you use that word, your spelling of it becomes more and more convoluted, and you put less and less effort into correcting yourself.  
TG: omg because its funny  
TG: tungaturgy  
TT: Uh huh.  
TG: whats scathe for anywyas?  
TG: *anyways  
TG: it doesnt look that strong  
TT: It’s a quick and mobile attack spell that requires no casting time, very useful when you’re on the go, or when an enemy has so little hit points left, that you’d be wasting casting time and mana casting Fire.  
TG: oooo  
TG: i see :3

\---

TG: OMG evil lala  
TG: cocobusi has gone bad  
TT: The possession by a voidsent has transformed him into a vessel for Mormo to steal aether from unknowing victims…  
TG: geez cocobusi if u wanted my mana-rich body you could have just asked  
TT: …  
TG: hehe sorry :3  
TT: Roxy, you are so terrible.

\---

TG: omg mormo turned cocobusi into a ladykiller  
TT: Oh good lord, I had a feeling you were going to comment on that.  
TG: i cant believe the tiny potatonion has become a sex machine  
TG: man im kinda excited to see what mormo is actually like now omg  
TT: I can guarantee you that your anticipation shall not be disappointed in the very least, Roxy.

TG: OMG SHES AN ACTUAL SUCCUBUS  
TG: I THOUGHT THAT WAS JUST A FIGURE OF SPEECH  
TG: damn i cant believe the lala was possessed by a hot succubus  
TG: wheres the submit button  
TT: You busying yourself with this thirsty banter instead of focusing on fighting Mormo is your implicit ‘submit’ button.  
TT: Focus already, silly.  
TG: oh shit yeah oops lmao

TG: awww he did it  
TG: cocobusi proved himself!  
TG: im so proud of him  
TG: my tiny child  
TT: A truly touching ending to a tale of temptation and redemption.  
TG: heehee lets go turn this quest in  
TG: i wanan see how the story ends  
TT: Of course.

\---

TG: oooo black mage story…  
TT: We should probably leave that for the next time we play, and get some sleep now, you know.  
TT: It is almost 3am.  
TG: oh shit ur right oops lmao  
TG: lost track of time  
TT: Indeed. Besides, now that we are level 30, I should really have Zazzerpan craft us some up to date gear, because once you start on your first job storyline, the job quests will no longer provide you new gear like the class story quests do.  
TT: Wait a second.  
TT: You haven’t been advancing in the main storyline, have you?  
TG: :3  
TT: Roxy…  
TG: <:3c  
TT: Roxy, you better work on the main storyline tomorrow, okay? You’re incredibly behind by this point. You don’t even have Satasha yet, do you?  
TG: whaaaaats satasha  
TT: As I figured.  
TT: I’m surprised you managed to level up so quickly despite not having the dungeon roulette.  
TG: hehe :3  
TT: Okay, so, while Zazzerpan crafts both Frigglish and Mutie some new gear tomorrow, Vodka Mutini will be working on the main storyline, alright?  
TG: okayyy  
TT: Good.  
TG: hehe :3 tonight was fun tho  
TG: thanks for introducing me to this game rose <3  
TG: having something to bond with you over is rly nice  
TT: Aww, you’re welcome Roxy.  
TT: I’m very glad you’re enjoying yourself. I have never been able to connect with Mom like this before, so I really don’t want to take your friendship for granted, you know?  
TG: hehe yeah  
TG: we’ll play more tomorrow <3 good night now though  
TT: Good night, Roxy.  
\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--  
TT: <3

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally just a drabble I posted on tumblr, but decided to write it into an actual fic.


End file.
